In honor of Single Man Appreciation Month, A+ Introductions wanted to provide an opportunity to hear what men actually think. For that reason, this blog post explores the thoughts of a single, 40+ year old gentleman, D.G. His perspective is the raw, unvarnished truth as he sees it and might step on some toes. D.G. is boldly honest and sincerely offers ladies a peek into the mind of a modern, well-educated, eligible man. Please take care in reading his thoughts and feel free to share your own thoughts in the comments section.
I have resigned myself to being single for a while. This conclusion did not come from a point of low self esteem or women hating; it came from the fact that the women seem to think that what I say is not what I mean. Does honesty mean anything anymore? Ok, I am not a saint but I mean what I say. Being direct about a relationship question is of utmost importance. I was deceived in my past so in order for me to live in integrity, I must be direct. The problem is that my current experiences with women have them diagnose me as being hurt, angry, et cetera. They are so wrong. I just don’t want a repeat of the past.
I’m not alone in this feeling. I have friends from the honest gentleman, the pimp to the misogynistic sex champion. We have different ways of dealing with women and we don’t all agree on how women should be treated. The three things that my friends and I do see is that (1) women require an abundance of attention, (2) women want men to accept them for who they are but request a higher standard from men and (3) women want a man a la cart versus his entirety.
There are some traits that women say they desire in a man– Being honest, direct, accountable, leading people, demanding and focused; but in reality they appear to only want to be around it. When we present any of these qualities towards them, even in the most passionate, gentle and responsible way, they appear disturbed and sometimes disclose that they are hurt. We all ask the same question: How is it that what you like about me is the thing you really find challenging when I address you with those “attractive” qualities? Regarding the former two, attention can be frustrating. Constant texts, work hour calls just to chit chat and needing a reassuring call can be frustrating. It sounds like a work schedule. Even if you’re in love, there is work to be done, personal goals to be accomplished and time to just be alone or with friends. Not to be alone or with friends to cheat, but to reflect and converse with others who have a commonality or experience in the areas of the male issues. Men cannot see women understanding men issues and we don’t even try to understand women issues. This is not to minimize women issues but we have no experience in that area. Our mothers and sisters did not engage us on those matters. The biggest concern for men is this: If you want your personal version of Superman, you damn sure better be our personal of version of Superwoman. Superwoman is different for each man but one thing for sure is required; accountability. Owning up to your mistakes makes a “mature” man see you as a partner. Avoidance and hiding from issues makes men think you are deceitful and untrustworthy. If this persists, we think you have no integrity. Respect begins to erode. At that point anything goes; leading to the end of a relationship.
I am not saying that women are to blame but men are finding it challenging nowadays to engage if they see this coming. Eventually, those issues are not things we expect from a “mature” woman. And the only females we will tolerate this from are our daughters.
~D.G., June 2018